That title might sound pretentious, but honestly it's just a fancy way to say "Know your limits - you can't expect to go snowboarding for the first time in four years and hit a 30 foot kicker first try."
That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I learned this week.
That's not all, however. I learned that when life throws us unfortunate circumstances, we learn the most about ourselves: our maturity level, our sense of personal responsibility, the attitude we choose to have and the path we choose to carve for ourselves going forward. I heard a quote recently that summed up that sentiment:
“The happiness of this life depends less on what befalls you than the way in which you take it.”
As I've said before on here, we have the right, ability, and opportunity to choose how we will be in this life. We decide what our experience will be, if not exactly what we will experience. It's changed the way I look at adversity: instead of hardship, I see opportunity to learn about myself and gain perspective on how to improve.
There are not many books that I have read that have impressed me as much as "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" has. While many books profess to help guide their readers toward fulfillment and improvement, none do it so well as this classic. This work sets itself apart through a unique approach to the true nature and development of effectiveness, and a deep and resonating examination of the steps it espouses. The book organizes itself into two parts: the inner victory and the outer victory.
The inner victory sets forth the principles that the book is based on and discusses the first steps the reader will take on their path to effectiveness. It is here that this work differentiates itself from its fellows: while most of the self-improvement work of the past half-century have focused on personality tweaks and quick interpersonal tips to improve your effectiveness among others - "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a well-known example - "7 Habits" begins its approach with a discussion of character and paradigms. The idea is that the root of ineffectiveness' problem is found in lacking strength of character and having a paradigm, or viewpoint, that is not in harmony with universal principles. The inner victory is to learn to apply these principles in our personal selves, before we even begin to interact with others. The book divides this into three steps: Think Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and Put First Things First. As Stephen R. Covey summarizes:
"Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together."
The outer victory builds on the foundation of the inner victory. The Habits are as follows: Think Win-Win, Seek to Understand & Then to Be Understood, Synergize, and Sharpening the Saw. They enable an individual to transcend independent effectiveness and become effective in interdependence. While the inner victory establishes the foundation for us to be effective individually, the outer victory concerns working with others and gaining a new level of effectiveness as we learn to work seamlessly with others. It finishes with the last Habit: self-renewal, or Sharpening the Saw. As we take time to renew ourselves and focus on our performance, we enable ourselves to see where we need to improve and how we can further enrich our lives.
As I've read this book and applied the principles contained inside, it has done wonders for my life. I find myself being able to appreciate life on a deeper level and enjoy a richness in relationships - including the one with myself - that I did not have before. This book comes highly recommended.
This week I intend to fall to the cliche and participate in the madcap rush to talk about the recent holiday -Thanksgiving. I might be drowned in the flood of all the other band-wagoners, but I'll risk it. It's an important topic, and if nothing else, I will benefit from putting my own two cents into coherent thoughts.
Of all the reasons I enjoy Thanksgiving, I'll admit that food and football aren't the finalists. The top spot belongs unquestionably to family. I've spoken before about surrounding yourself with greatness, and that's exactly what my family is to me. I can't go home without being reminded of something that I could do to make myself into a better person. I can't spend time with them without realizing that I am among some of the greatest people on earth. To me, my family is the perfect motivation for the "reason for the season" of Thanksgiving - gratitude.
One of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has said that "if pride is the root of all evils, than it's opposite - peace, tranquility, and humility - is the root of all good.
I believe that a thankful life is much more fulling than spurts of receiving. So this holiday season, lets all remember to be the best that we can.
I had a rather cool experience today that made me reflect on a principle that I learned some years ago. I ran into an old friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while, and we immediately started catching up on each other's lives. As he recounted the recent developments in his life, I was surprised by the level of excitement, anticipation, and genuine thankfulness toward God that he displayed. It reminded me all over again why I had chosen to be around him and to have him as friend. His influence helped me to rise higher than I might have on my own.
I once read a book that concerned just those sort of relationships. It was entitled "Surround Yourself With Greatness." The idea is that we rise - or sink - largely to the level of our surroundings. While individual moral strength is taken into account, it is nonetheless a fact that the environment to which we choose to subject ourselves is a major force in the development of our character. It is either a catalyst toward growth or a sinkhole toward disaster. I have personally found this to be true in several instances, for both good and ill.
So my question today to you is thus: Where are you? What are your surroundings? Who have you let into your life, and are you better for it?
We have the power to control the surroundings of our lives. While we cannot dictate everything, it remains in our ability to purposefully select the people we most want to be influenced by - for like it or not, we are influenced by them. As we select good friends that model our desired attributes, we will find our lives to be far more enjoyable and fulling, and we will achieve the greatness that we seek.
Burned out, I mean. You know the feeling: you've been super productive all day, week, month, etc. You've put task after task on your "to-do" list, and you've crushed it like a boss. Homework? Done. Religious responsibilities? Taken care of. Networking? Crushed it. And so on, and so forth, running yourself as fast as you can - until suddenly you're grinding to a halt. Motivation is gone, purpose is quickly fading, and frustration is taking hold.
I'm currently in the process of reading "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." (I say in the process because I'm taking my sweet time with it.) While it descries seven habits for maximizing potential, the last is a little less intuitive than the others. It's called "sharpening the saw."
It's based around a quick little story about a man found in the forest cutting down a tree with a dull and rusted saw. A passerby stops to ask him why he doesn't stop to care for the blade, to which he replies with contempt: "I cannot do that - I'm too busy sawing."
Isn't that a foolish statement? Any reasonable person knows how much faster the work would progress with a quality blade. Yet how often do we do that in life? How often do I do that in life?
There is something to be said for making time for renewal. We need it - our tools are our bodies, our spirits, our minds. We use them for our good, working out our lives (hopefully) as we dream it to be. Yet in the wear and tear of life, we are not unlike the saw blade - rusted, dull, and inefficient. We would do well to slow down a little, take stock of our condition, and make time for renewal, for things that matter most.
So, long-distance interviews. You know the ones - over the phone or by Skype/FaceTime.
I've got a bone to pick with them.
I understand the reasons for having them: they're convenient, quick, and cost-effective. They're wonderfully suited for firms with limited spaces to fill and qualified applications coming from long distances away. They allow an interviewer to waste minimal time in between screening applicants, and they allow those applicants to apply even if they reside nowhere near the firm they wish to work for.
Still, there are some things I wish could be better.
I recently had the chance to do a mock interview with a buddy of mine over the phone. While the convenience box had been squarely checked, a number of things surfaced that plagued the conversation. First, the quality of our experience was largely dependent on the strength of our connection. There were a number of times where it was hard to hear one another; casting a negative impression on the whole thing. Second, it felt rather impersonal. I recall thinking that if I were to make a decision at that moment as to whether I should hire him, I would wish I could have talked face-to-face with him. I realize that many firms do just that after phone interviews, but it nonetheless remains a weakness of the long-distance interview.
To sum up: Long distance interviews have several inherent problems; however, I admit their necessity in today's modern world.
Have you ever thought what makes people successful in life?
It's not natural talent. It's not intelligence. It's not even the right connections.
Now, lest anyone take aim and shoot down that rather bold claim, I don't mean that those things aren't factors. They are, and they make quite a difference. They just aren't the key.
Rather, the number one factor in determining success is a desire to create value - a genuine drive to cause something to be or improve upon an existing foundation, to be a catalyst for change or a beacon for inspiration. It consists of recognizing an unmet need and then going about solving this.
This may sound simple, but I'm afraid that many people never learn that. We grow up being taught to get a good education or experience so we can get a job, to secure employment where we are owed a paycheck. We work six months to a year, and then we expect a raise. We're owed that, right? A higher-up position opens up and we've been there the longest - the spot should be as good as ours. Shouldn't it?
I answer that with a quote from the late Pres. Hinkley of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: "The world will in large measure pay you what it think you are worth." As said another, "the world owes you nothing. It was here first."
They key difference to be learned can be largely summed up in one word: selflessness. Are we selfishly looking to our own good, feeling entitled to raises and promotions, or do we eschew the titles and the honors and go about doing good, creating value in the lives of others?
That is our choice.
I take today's title from something Earnest Hemingway once said:
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
I rather like that thought.
One of the things that impresses me about the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the near-constant attention to improvement. Paraphrasing Elder Boyd K. Packer from the April 2015 General Conference, to look to Christ as a Savior is to recognize that there is a disconnect between who we were once and the better people we are now - and that the Sacrifice of Christ severs the bond our former selves claim upon us, allowing us to rise unhindered to greater heights.
Returning to that Hemingway quote - One of the reasons I like this quote so much is that it indirectly infers where we ought to find the source of our self-worth. In Stephen Covey's book "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers" (and contained within his father's more well-known book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"), he sets forth three ways we can view our standing among our peers: 1) Win-Lose, 2) Lose-Lose, and 3) Win-Win. Win-Lose and Lose-Lose are simply phrased: "Between you and me, only one of us can be better, and that's going to be me. If it can't be me, I will ensure that it will not be you." It is seeking to be superior to our fellow man.
Win-Win is different. It is seeing the world as open opportunity for everyone to be successful, with my success being of no detriment to yours. It is seeking to be superior to your former self, and allowing all the opportunity to do the same.
The first two focus one's sense of self-worth on standing among peers. Essentially, if I'm not better than you, than I have no worth. If I am better than you, than you are of no worth. The last focuses it in a much more healthier, positive way: all that matters is if we are better than we were before.
I believe that if we make this a motto in our lives, we will stop uselessly worrying about where we are in comparison to others and start making meaningful progress in our own lives. Life will cease to be an endless competition for scraps and become a collaboration toward meaningful creations.
I had a change of perspective today.
To preface it, and by way of explanation, I'm currently in the middle of networking toward an eventual career in Investment Banking. I meet people for lunch, write emails, make phone calls, sit down with professionals, and anything else that grows my network and deepens my understanding of the career. While I enjoy doing it, and always viewed my time as well-used, I nonetheless had some reservations.
First off - and this is the main point - I'm a Sophomore. Most firms don't look at anyone seriously until they're at least a Junior - at least, that was what everyone told me, and I believed them.
Now, to some degree it is true. To see it as absolute, however, is misleading.
Which takes me to my experience today.
I met with a good friend who did an investment banking internship last summer. In the course of our conversation, he asked if I was applying for the summer internships already open. I told him no, that I knew that it was only open to Juniors. His reply shocked me:
"Well why not?!"
He then explained to me a simple truth - there are no true rules set in this area. Anything we get is by our efforts, and nothing is off limits. We are only held back by our own decision to not try.
That stunned me. I thought of all the dreams I had, all the things that I thought I could never do. I listened as all of those preconceptions shattered on the ground. I went home and immediately put in my application for a bank I've had my eye on.
The point is, we make our own luck. We get the good opportunities when we try to make them happen. Like my good friend Shia Labeouf says, "Just DO it! Make your dreams come true."
This past week I had the incredible opportunity to attend a luncheon hosted by the Marriott School for the National Advisory Council (NAC). For those of you who are, like I was, unaware of what the NAC is, the NAC is a body of professionals from various careers who have decided to give back to the community of students by offering their experience and advice to students who are interested in pursuing similar careers. They are incredible people with a wealth of knowledge to share.
I'll admit to being nervous at the outset of the event. This was the first event of its kind that I've ever attended, and I felt very much out of place sitting among some very successful men and women. However, as I began to chat with a few of them, I discovered an amazing secret: they're human! They are people, complete with interests, stories, and senses of humor. I found that barriers quickly dropped as I took initiative to talk to them, take an interest in them, and meet them on their terms. I found it incredible just how many of them had begun with dreams and aspirations that mirror my own; I took it as assurance that I too can realize them one day.
If I could say one thing about the event, it would be that networking works, and not in the way you might think. Networking is at its best when it ceases to be self-serving, and instead seeks to inspire and enrich other's lives. We humans thrive on affirmation and encouragement, two characteristics at the core of real networking. By meeting someone new, you expose yourself to a whole different life, complete with paradigms and motivations that could potentially change your own life. It's not just a tool for the businessman or businesswoman, it's an opportunity for everyone - an opportunity I plan on taking for the rest of my life.
I don't have too much time tonight, but I wanted to include a little anecdote about organization.
While this post might not show a whole lot of organization, in life it's a very handy thing.
For example.
In my chosen career pursuit of Investment Banking, networking is a very key skill. There's an old phrase that states that in business, "it's not what you know, it's who you know." Of all career fields, Finance is likely one of the most influenced by that mantra. The people you are connected with can quite literally make the difference in a company's decision on whether or not to extend an offer. Thus, it is encouraged to make an effort to connect with the people ahead of you in the process and seek their input.
Enter my situation. Earlier last week I scheduled opportunities to talk with several people within the finance program here at BYU. I contacted them through email, set the potential times we could meet, and promised to check back with them to confirm on an exact time and place. While I did much of it right, I nonetheless neglected to record for future recall who I was scheduled to meet with and at what time. As this week passed, there were several instances in which I suddenly remembered, too late, that I could have talked with someone that day. While these conversations might not be the difference between working and unemployment, it is nonetheless worrisome to think on the message they display. In essence, I conveyed that their time was not of high priority to me and that I didn't really, deeply care about what they had to say.
Not the sort of message one in my position would like to convey.
The moral of the story is to be organized for the future so as to bring about opportunities that might otherwise have been swept down stream.
Goals are a tricky thing.
It seems to be the notion of our society that goal-setters are a notch above the rest of us. They're the go-get'ers, the achievers, the driven. They're the ones who actually keep their New Year's Resolutions, the ones that stay with the diet, the ones that follow through with their exercise plans. They skip the butter with the popcorn and forgo the ice cream after dinner. They take the extra class - AND do the extra credit - all in the name of a goal. We look up to them, admire them, and possibly even envy them for their success - because we could never do that.
BUT WHY NOT??
Good Question.
At this point someone else might continue into a high-level discourse on the eternal potential of the human soul and the incredible power within all of us. The quote about the light within each of us - you know the one, "Your playing small does not serve the world" - and attributed to at least four influential people, would probably be inserted. A call would be made to burn the ships and face the future, trusting in your inner light to guide you to soaring heights.
I'm not going to say that yet.
You see, there's more to goals than rabid enthusiasm of momentary desire. Goals require more than desire - they require RESOLVE, and resolve needs commitment and clarity of purpose. There has to be a conviction to change and a direction that the conviction can be aimed. To illustrate goals, an example is frequently used of a man stranded in a boat in the middle of the ocean, with only a glimpse of land in sight. The man's goal is, obviously, to reach land. He sees it, he knows the end from the beginning. Contrast this with a man who just wants to reach land, but doesn't bother to look where it is. They both may begin with the same energy, but only one knows where exactly he will end up. President Uchtdorf, an Apostle within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, put it this way:
I have learned that the difference between happiness and misery ... often comes down to an error of only a few degrees.
Goals are hard to set because they must both reflect our ambitions and lead us in a wise direction. I'm preparing to set some goals in my own life - perhaps I'll share them on here - but before I set out the details, I need to know where I want to end up. Knowing that, I believe it is far easier to set goals that will truly make us successful. Preparation is the greater part of victory, after all.
As Goes the Sun. What do I mean with that enigmatic little phrase? Good question. The sun is never changing direction. It has, at least to our perspective, one direction only: forward. It does not pause in its progress nor reverse direction. It is constant, steady, and dependable, and yet - it is never in the same place. It moves in an orbit of its own around the galaxy, constantly heading forward. I believe there's a lesson in that. We are allotted a set, if unknown, number of days, with some having less than others. We may have different ideas about progress, and our desires may point us to different destinations. That is immaterial to me. All that matters is that we push forward toward those goals with steadiness and sureness, using our time as best as we are able. That's the theme of this blog-thingy. Life is an open opportunity, and we are largely rewarded according to the effort we spend seizing it. So I'm going to write about that. I'll write out my goals, share inspirational stories, say what I learned that day, report on my progress and maybe even do some good along the way - as goes the sun. Carpe Diem Everyone.
